How to Help Your Child Deal With the Loss of a Pet
We’ve talked before about the fact that becoming a mother can be scary and overwhelming. You won’t always know what to do or say, and everything from the daily tasks to the “big moments” are things every mom has to learn how to get through with her kids.
But, there are some parts of being a mother (or a parent, in general) that you might feel like you’re never fully prepared for. The loss of a family pet is one of those things. For many of us, pets become family members, even if they might drive you crazy sometimes. So, when you have to put a dog or cat down, or they die suddenly, it can be a huge blow to the family dynamic, and your child may not fully understand why they’re gone. When we had to put Marilyn down we weren’t sure how to approach it with Sienna, she LOVED marebear so much. I was thinking about it more and thought I would put together some tips for how to deal with it.
It will never be an easy discussion to have, but it’s important to help your child deal with the loss of a pet in a healthy, productive way. With that in mind, there are things you should and shouldn’t say to help them cope. Let’s look at a few tips that can help to make the situation easier on both you and your child.
Encourage Your Child to Talk About Their Pet
One of the most important things to consider when helping your child deal with the loss of a pet is their age. How you talk to them needs to be age-appropriate, based on what they’ll be able to understand.
Many times, it’s best to let them lead the conversation(s). Encourage them to talk freely about their pet. Let them ask questions and don’t say that anything is “off limits”. If your child has a question about death, about where their beloved pet went, or how they died, make sure you answer them in an age-appropriate, honest way.
Children go through stages of grief just like adults. They may process things a bit differently. But, denying them the truth will make it more difficult for them to get through those stages. So, be as honest as possible while remaining sensitive to their needs.
Offer Them Reassurance
According to research, children need reassurance, especially when they’re going through a stressful or uncertain experience. They might be experiencing this loss differently than you or other members of your family.
If they haven’t experienced any kind of death before, it could cause some more uncertainties and even worries for them. They might wonder if other members of your family will suddenly “be gone”, or they might be worried about where their furry friend really is, if they can’t fully grasp that concept.
You might be surprised at how much a hug can do. By wrapping your arms around your child and reassuring them that you aren’t going anywhere, you can give them the comfort they’re really looking for. Make sure they understand that your pet’s death doesn’t mean anyone else will leave them, and that they will always have someone around who loves them and will take care of them.
Help Them Remember
Sometimes, the best way to move forward from the death of a pet is to actively remember them. That rings true for both children and adults. Look at pictures or watch videos of your furry companion, or have a memorial service for them. You can even purchase pet urns from Memorials.com to keep your pet’s ashes, so your child will know that they will never be forgotten.
It’s easy to assume that trying to preserve your child’s memories of their pet would make things harder, but it’s usually just the opposite. It can help them to work through their grief in a positive and healthy way.
What Shouldn’t You Say or Do?
While there are plenty of positive things you can do to help your child through the grieving process, there are also a few things you should avoid saying. No matter your beliefs, try to avoid telling your child that God took their pet, or that you put it to sleep. You might think that these are nice ways of revealing your pet’s death. But, they can actually trigger fear in your child. They might fear God, or they might even be afraid about going to sleep at night. That’s why it’s so important to understand where your child is, developmentally, before knowing the right things to say to them.
Be careful with your words and actions, and keep things as positive as possible. You don’t need to sugarcoat death or be dishonest with your child. But, whatever you do, make sure you do talk to them about the loss of a pet, rather than avoiding it. Making sure they understand what happened will help them to have a healthier relationship with grief as they get older.
